deux

The days here don't end; they melt together due to the fact that I haven't slept since I left Sacramento three days ago. I'm exhausted. I hate it here. The kids are the only part of this that I am even remotely enjoying. As a result I feel terrible because it is not their fault that I am not enjoying my time here; it's the situation. And yes, it has only been three days but the transition has been terrible. A warning to anyone who wants to be an au pair: make sure you are well aware of what you are getting into and make sure you are prepared for it; ask questions and don't be afraid to say no or to let the family know that you are not okay with the circumstances they are setting. I should probably take my own advice on that matter. I did try to tell the father on the phone last night that I was having trouble sleeping. Maybe I was flustered, tired, or maybe I just can't speak French despite the fact that I've taken 5 years of it in school, but he just kept repeating himself over and over again until finally I gave up and said that I was sleeping well. I feel completely hopeless and alone and I have no idea how to resolve this very very big problem. I want to go home so badly. For now, I will settle for a cup of tea. But I have officially given up the "everything is going to be perfect mom and dad" facade. I am weak. Je sais.