better things

Nothing is more frustrating than trying your best and still feeling completely incompetent.

Last Wednesday was a bit of a wake up call for me. By far, it was one of the worst days I've had in France. Second only to my last day in Trans. The kids were totally out of control and I put my priorities on cleaning up after them instead of actually watching them. Actually the day started out alright. We started setting up for a spectacle before going to Sports. Everything went downhill from there. Thomas broke his shoe, a semi-truck backed into me in the middle of Saint Tropez, I got a migraine, Thomas threw a tantrum because he didn't want ravioli for lunch, while I was cleaning up from lunch, the kids threw the entire contents of the living room behind the sofa, while I had been making lunch, Matthew put all the things from the spectacle in the shower and when I started cleaning up the living room, he turned the shower on, drenching all of his toys and soaking through almost every rug in the house. Then Christine came home and was very upset (who wouldn't be? the house was a disaster). She left again and I was stuck with my migraine, still cleaning up, trying to make sure the boys didn't tear anything else apart.

Since then, I've been trying my absolute hardest to be the best au pair ever. The only thing is, everyday something happens that confirms my belief that I am quite possibly the worst au pair ever. I know that it's probably not true, and I just take everything the boys and Christine say and do wayyyyy too personally, but it's hard. Back in the states, I'm so used to every child I work with whether it's at the pool, in child care, or babysitting practically worshiping the ground I walk on. They do whatever I say, they always are excited to see me and love to involve me in whatever they are doing. Here, it's the exact opposite. Maxime and Alexis were a little easier than Thomas and Matthew, but they still didn't really buy into me I think and it was really hard for me to be the doting compassionate creative loving child-watcher person that I usually am. Thomas and Matthew on the other hand are the worst. I could never have imagined kids to be like this, especially based on my previous experiences with kids (lifeguarding, swim lessons, child care, babysitting). They only want to involve me in something if it involves "killing" me or "making me fall asleep", but they spend most of the time just telling me how mean I am and how they hate me and I'm bothering them.

I swear if it wasn't for the location, I would have probably given up on this by now. Remember when I said that God needed to give me some sort of sign that there was a more heavenly place than here? Well he did, but it's right next door. Isabelle, the cleaning lady mentioned Cavalaire sur Mer in passing on Friday and I automatically said that I would check it out that day. Well I did, and after a few wrong turns that allowed me to really see the town in all it's beach-to-hills glory I can't imagine a more perfect place in the world. Cavalaire is located at the southern most point of the Riviera and has a beach that is 3km long! Since I've visited nearly all the beaches in the Saint Tropez area now, I feel quite confident in saying Cavalaire is the best of them all. Looking forward to more frequent trips there over the next couple months.

The other thing that is making this all worthwhile is my new friends! Luisa of course, and last weekend I met Kathy, an austrian au pair living in Les Isambres (a halfway point between Saint Tropez and Saint Raphael). At first she seemed a little hesitant to meet me. I think because some of the other au pairs have been saying stuff about me. But she warmed up right away and now she, Luisa, and I are really good friends even after only knowing each other for a weekend. We didn't even really do much to be honest. We met at the beach but it was way too windy to go swimming or even just sit. We made dinner at Luisa's place since her family was out of town for the weekend. Afterwards we went out to Port Santa Lucia and sat on the port for "pre-drinking". We ended up sitting there for four hours with our vodka and orange juice and rose. Then we got up and walked at least a kilometer to Saint Raphael where we tried to get in the ONLY discotheque without having to pay entrance. I dazzled the bouncers but the lady inside wouldn't budge. Tant pis pour nous. We ended up catching a taxi back to Luisa's.

I think with all the stresses of being an au pair it's important to connect with the others and create these bonds. It provides a healthy outlet and a good way to know if what is going on in your family is "normal". However, it seems that every au pair has her own woes and complaints about their families. You just have to get really lucky to get a family that you like the first time around or even at all. At least we have each other though.

At the end of the day it's not where you are it's who you're with. And even though this place is absolutely magical, if it weren't for these girls and the support I get from everyone back home, I don't know what I would do.